love

Bondage

He will not be tied down by rules.
(he wants to be tied down)
He will escape all prison cells of society.
(he wants to be locked up)
He wants to live without regret.
(try all the different ways of pleasurable pain)
His problems are tied to him so he runs.
(he wants to be walked over and be torn)
The heat is what he wants to avoid.
(he wants fire to be involved).
But he never wants to hurt anyone.
(only be hurt himself – willingly)

His dream is to find someone who wants to be tied down.
(he feels tied down himself)
He wants to handcuff them to his love.
(all he needs is to be free for a day)
He wants to please a lover with danger games.
(he regrets it when they run away in fear)
The desire to be wanted so badly to destroy.
(he tries everyone in his search for it)
He wants to be seen as cool – to his own mind.
(he’ll light up the bed sheets – literally)
He doesn’t want to feel emotional pain.
(what if hurting the lover is the only way?)

Brother

I stare out of the misted window at the snow
And somehow I see your young face and I know
That you’re safe now away from the pain
Because you’re safely aboard Heaven’s luxury train.
Your smiling face brightens up my dark days;
It gives me strength, makes me brave in indescribable ways.

I can carry on knowing you’re with me;
Through me perhaps you can be.
Even in the salty tears of my heartache
I see your strength and it makes my demons seem fake.
You went too soon via a way too cruel:
This is my motivation, my fuel
Because one day I will heal the scars,
Turning the burnt out souls into stars.

It was the hardest thing to see leave,
But I know that you could no longer breathe.
One day I’ll see you again and we can share
Our stories we couldn’t bear.

In your final hours I felt your soul shine;
And it was then I knew it would all be fine.

Pillow Person

Caught in an ocean of bed sheets
she holds tightly onto the buoy of her pillow
so that she will not drown in her nightmares.
She clutches onto the fabric
and it gives her a degree of desired comfort.
She wraps her amiable arms around
the cool comforting fabric as she closes her eyes.
A single salty tear drop is absorbed
into the thirsty fluff and disappears,
leaving behind a slight stain – familiar.
The currents of her sleep carry her to
another place where everything is warped together.
She slowly releases the pillow protection
and drifts restlessly into various positions
as the waves tumble her about.

She is thrown onto the coarse sand
of reality and feels like a discarded shell.
As she lifts herself from her slumbered state,
she enters into the real tsunami thought:
the future.

She floats into bed this time:
She feels the presence of another
and smiles softly as he holds her close.
She feels his warmth against her body
as she slowly slips into sleep.
Her dreams are inadequate because
now her reality is her dream.
She sleeps soundlessly and peacefully
as the ocean calmly carries her body
to the island of her happiness.

Cartoonist

A soft crescent moonlit evening
lights the garden and exposes
the weeds that should have been removed.
He slips carefully into the hammock between
the two trees and sips his drink
as he stares at the mocking moon.

He cries, as he always does, and longs
for his lost love.
All he wanted was the look
she gave his best friend the day
they ran off together.
Instead he got a note on his car window
(it was in the red lipstick he bought her):
SORRY NOT SORRY
His heart wasn’t broken for that implies
the heart must have been intact.
He simply hoped his suspicions were false.

The night-wind flows through his hair
and he puts down the glass, takes a pen
and scribbles his nightly pain in
the form of a cartoon.
Tonight:
A giant half-heart and a bloodied knife,
a simple caricature of his feelings.
He signs his forgotten name below
and goes inside his
empty house.

Enigma Girl

We all see her walk into the room –
her head held high and her smile
as radiant as the sun.
She swirls around the room
like a sweet addictive scent
and everyone is drawn to her,
birds to nectar.
We feed off her radiance and get
high off her fumes of fun
and swoon all the way to
the land of fantasy and
please-be-with-me.
She’s worse than cocaine
and sweeter than sugared honey drops.
She holds her own and makes even
the biggest of us feel
minute.

But when it comes to love
she seems to be careful who
to let into her world…
Because she has been hurt
by the one before
(who was the first).
She’s an enigma gypsy
running away from the feelings
that unlock the doors of that pain
and she refuses to be vulnerable again.

She frustrates all of us because
we cannot get into her life as
deeply as we all want to.
And it seems like she wants us
to come to that place but then
she slams the door in our faces
and we stand with broken noses,
shattered hearts but somewhere
I realise it’s not her fault.

And so they keep running after her
and she doesn’t understand why…
She breaks her mirror in fury and
cries a river of confusion to wash
away her insecurity which always
return in showers.

She is blessed, however, and she knows,
she knows that she is special in some way.
One day she will receive the package
she ordered in her dreams and she’ll be

free of her chains!

Indecision

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
– The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost

To choose one of two great loves:
A happy forever after scattered
with the occasional rough patch.
But never both.

FIRST:
Love.
Happiness in the arms
of someone beautiful
in and out.
A love to wrap around myself
like a fleece blanket in a snowy tundra.
Security knowing that even if I had
nothing
I would have someone
who would make it everything.

SECOND:
Art.
A steady career filled with limitless opportunities
that would let me see the world.
And a guaranteed growth of character
experiencing the genius of countless creators
scattered across the globe
like cloudlets of passion.

CHOICE:
I cannot have both;
I must decide.
Success will only come
in the hands of sacrifice.

CONFUSION:
Loving both with my soul
but knowing my soul is single-chambered
and has a hollow for only one.
The swirling in my mind confuses
and disorientates.
Speared thoughts from every second
person saying what I should do.

HURT:
Knowing I will have to turn
away
from one for the other.
And longing for that which
I
did
not
choose.

DECSION?
Indecisive.

Apple Blossom

“But something rustled on the floor,
And some one called me by my name:
It had become a glimmering girl
With apple blossom in her hair
Who called me by my name and ran
And faded through the brightening air.”
– The Song of Wandering Aengus, W. B. Yeats

The way you looked at me the first time our eyes met. We both knew it was something more. Eyes can says a thousand things in a single second. It felt right. They way you looked at me made me feel special… Maybe that’s why I loved you so much… People always look at me with longing, or lust really. You looked at me differently, you saw deeper… You looked beyond my face. You looked straight into my soul.

You loved me selflessly, and you promised that you’d give everything up in the world if you had to just to keep me. (Pause to recollect.) And you did. You gave your life to save mine… You were the one who completed me, you completed me in my incomplete world. It’s hard when you’re a model and your world is built on superficiality. You don’t know who your true friends are or who is there using you as a beautiful accessory. At least with you I felt real.

You were so secure in yourself, that was so attractive to me. You were the one beating the insecurities out of me. (Slight laugh.) Weird how life works like that. Maybe the priceless oil paintings are painted by the most damaged hands.

I can tell you one thing… They’ll remember you forever, and that’s your dream! A legacy, the legacy you worked so hard towards. So whenever I feel lonely I’ll come to this apple tree and I’ll remember this day, the day I scattered your ashes… I’ll remember our first date under this tree where we shared our first kiss and made love for the first time… Where we both felt happiest. And when the red apples are ripe I’ll remember your smile. I’ll remember I’m your apple blossom and you’re my red apple. Because I’m the beauty and you’re the substance.

hurt You

please don’t feel me
don’t feel for me
feel for another
me no

You mustn’t be another x
i don’t want You in pain
pain at my numb hands
and heart

please just walk away
i know how you feel because
i feel the same but please
i dont want to hurt You
time will make the feelings go away
but time will never heal
the scars i’d give Your heart

please run away as fast
as You can
if You see me near
turn away
close Your heart to me
just me don’t let me in

i’m broken
if You step in my life
You’ll step on my broken pieces
and they’ll cut You open
and You’ll bleed out in pain

I try turn away,
say I understand.
“I’ll heal you!
I’ll make you whole again!”
But no…
I must turn away from
this lovestructive force,
but just know I’ll always see
you in the face of those I love.

Because you were my first.

Glamour Gourmet Gorgeous

I’m so full from my gourmet Michelin meal.
I’m empty, so empty – it’s how I feel.

I just Instagrammed my new diamond ring.
I feel like common stone commoners merely fling.

These Louis Vuitton shoes fit me so.
I’m incapable of filling shoes: I can’t grow…

Envy the zeros on my bank statement.
My esteem is a zero balance, lower than a basement.

The cost of my Aston could feed starving children in Ethiopia.
At least they are grateful unlike in my Utopia.

The 3 storey mansion has all I could desire,
But this life has extinguished my passion, my fire.

Check out this 5 star luxury resort,
I feel so poor like a forgotten, withering fort.

Stare at my super model boyfriend…
I’ve never felt real love. The end.

My face is modelled against perfection:
This facade hides a cracked complexion.

People are jealous of my picture perfection;
But to me life is my solitary, harsh detention.

There

We build each other up to
help each other when we fall.

Always there for each other
like a shadow to a tree.
Mutual respect and honesty
that radiates from the deepest
and most meaningful place:
Unexplained.
So powerful.
Both at the top of the world,
yet both wanting the
other to touch stars.
Standing united rather than
apart.

We build each other up to
help each other when we fall.

People will try pull us
down
down
down
to get themselves up,
but we want to help them up
the Truthful way.
Friends will become strangers and
acquaintance friends;
that’s the cycle:
cyclically natural.

We build each other up to
help each other when we fall.

Any position of the extreme
(highness or lowness)
will always be subject to the
scrutiny of common man!
Common man merely watches
and speculates at the validity,
but who needs the validity
of the exterior when you
have heart of Truth.

We build each other up to
make each other great.