choice

Indecision

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost

To choose one of two great loves:
A happy forever after scattered
with the occasional rough patch.
But never both.

FIRST:
Love.
Happiness in the arms
of someone beautiful
in and out.
A love to wrap around myself
like a fleece blanket in a snowy tundra.
Security knowing that even if I had
nothing
I would have someone
who would make it everything.

SECOND:
Art.
A steady career filled with limitless opportunities
that would let me see the world.
And a guaranteed growth of character
experiencing the genius of countless creators
scattered across the globe
like cloudlets of passion.

CHOICE:
I cannot have both;
I must decide.
Success will only come
in the hands of sacrifice.

CONFUSION:
Loving both with my soul
but knowing my soul is single-chambered
and has a hollow for only one.
The swirling in my mind confuses
and disorientates.
Speared thoughts from every second
person saying what I should do.

HURT:
Knowing I will have to turn
away
from one for the other.
And longing for that which
I
did
not
choose.

DECSION?
Indecisive.

Choice

I stand here as someone who has choice. Choice. Choice is a gift. Choice is something to be valued and used. It must be used with great care. It must not be used with an ignorant mind and an unwilling heart. It must be used with careful understanding and intimate knowledge.

I stand here as someone who has choice. There will always be people coming from different angles trying to pull you their way, trying to make you conform to their standards, to what they want for you… To what they want for themselves… This isn’t their journey. I experience the pulling all the time. Like a rope around my neck with ten different ropes coming off it, each in the hand of another wanting me to follow them.

I stand here as someone who has choice. I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t want you to think that I’m being arrogant, I’m being honest. There is a difference between arrogance and believing in yourself. Every second person I met told me to go to med school. “Oh you’re so bright! You must be studying medicine!”, “You’re so precise – you’d be the perfect doctor!” Luckily I’m quite headstrong. But after a while you begin to question…

I stand here as someone who has choice. People will always doubt you. They will always doubt your choices if they aren’t what they would have chosen. They will rip your choices to shreds to make their choices feel like the right choice because they aren’t sure of themselves. Their insecurity is redirected to your security. Do you know what it feels like to be doubted? To have people wanting to see you fall? To have people constantly looking down on you? I do. And it hurts. But it builds character. I don’t think you understand the power of fierce determination.

I stand here as someone who has choice. I’ve decided what I want and no one is going to change that. You either support me genuinely or you take your upturned nose at my choices elsewhere.

I stand here as someone who has choice. And I have chosen.