love

The Unrequited Struggle

In every room there stands a different couple:
They show affection and their love seems to double.
We won’t ever feel that, my friend, we won’t ever feel that.

Society screams in my ear saying,
“You’re such a failure so stop playing”:
But we were always excluded, my friend, we were always excluded.

Arrived at a party, someone beautiful offered me a drink;
Told me I was nice, like a brother, made them think.
This is where we belong, my friend, this is where we belong.

Went out on a Friday night to a popular bar,
Everyone was in the arms of another star.
I felt the loneliness, my friend, I felt the loneliness.

Saw a married couple walking down the street;
Their love was as strong and unbreakable as a fleet.
Oh if we could only imagine, my friend, if we could only imagine.

Thought I heard someone call my name softly in the dark –
Turns out that it was just the beating of my lonely heart’s stark
My soul is eternally alone, my friend, my soul is eternally alone.

Dreamed that I saw my hand intertwined with someone new,
It seemed so real, something so rare, so few.
I awoke to my nightmare, my friend, I awoke to my nightmare.

Had a vision of my final hour of life;
It seemed I had with a love conquered all strife.
I am just delusional, my friend, I am just delusion.

A Wish For Humanity

I don’t want to be black;
I don’t want to be white:
I want to be human.
I don’t want to be privileged;
I don’t want to be unfortunate:
I want to belong anywhere.
I don’t want to be Christian;
I don’t want to be Buddhist:
I want to be spiritual.
I don’t want to be a blue;
I don’t want to be a pink:
I want to be equal.
I don’t want to be smart;
I don’t want to be creative:
I want to be valued.
I don’t want gay rights;
I don’t want women’s rights:
I want human rights.
I don’t want money;
I don’t want fame:
I want happiness.
I don’t want to be tall;
I don’t want to be thin:
I want to be imperfectly perfect.
I don’t want to be labelled;
I don’t want to be in a box:
I want to be free.
I don’t want to be you;
I don’t want to be them:
I want to be me.

We don’t want to want:
We need to be wanted.

The Drowning

In a flood of compliments he drowns;
all humility is forced out of his being.
The pride floods in
consuming his soul like a black sludge.
He begins to sink slowly
into the darkest depth of confusion
as he loses sight of the light; of himself.

His existence begins to fold in –
he sees images; hallucinations of
his success and nightmarish
rusted merry-go-rounds
of mutated friendships…
He left with none.
His corpse hits the coarse sand
of his truth; his reality.

They search for him…
They search for him…
They search for him
among their words
and find him dead at the
bottom of their compliments.

Even then it continues:
“He was destined for greatness!”
And a black tear rolls slowly…
Still no realisation.

He lives a different life now,
one of his own creation;
one where compliments are few,
as is self-worth.

Sonnet of Thankfulness

She has the special gift of love inside,
giving freely of herself to her blood.
She places her faith with them, to abide.
Her care – simply stated – one great, strong flood.
Those who step into her life will be graced
with her boundless care and compassionate
temperament. She has felt struggle, yet faced
them head on; her morals fast, abstinent.
She offered her hand when I was hit down.
I took it, with thanks in my eyes and heart.
They laugh with hate; in them I used to drown.
But she knew it was special, this, the start.
Her spirit will survive the harsh beatings.
One day, from heaven, she will send greetings.

Immortality

Confusing like a Picasso,
twisted like a Dali!
Melting away time,
waiting like
the Thinking Man – frozen.
Tiny dots of confusion
make up the mind;
almost a comical Lichtenstein…
BOOM!
A green coke bottle
on an infinite shelve of
green coke bottles,
but wanting to shine like
a Koons tulip.
A Mysterious Mona yet so
beautiful like a starry night…
Searching for the truth
in a world of lies;
beautiful Banksy
being washed away, lost,
scrubbed by the critics;
cursed by authority
for not being ‘acceptable’!
Yet powerful and brave
Forza e ira:
strength and anger!
A pearl in a shell,
a priceless speculation
of beauty and intellect.
A life of Eschered eternity
and precise confusion
going in mindless circles.
Try, try, try
to interpret the Pollock
colours and chaos…
A silent scream for eternity
as the twisted world
haunts and creates
anguish; despair.
Cut and paste into
a better world, Hamilton!

Hoping to be a Red Vineyard…
Maybe someone will
see worth before
death!

Guitar

Tuned and plucked
until satisfied.
Played and played
over and over.
Frustration and pride;
mixed emotions.
Strings snap.
Metallic pain erupts.
Abandoned for
a while
then found and
relearned.
Feeling like
a melodic
waste of space.

Played by a fool;
the sound is dirty.
Played by a lover;
the sound is pure.

Yet knowing beauty
is made from the string
and sound lights up
the darkness,
it is okay
because a guitarist
will find the guitar.

Tattoo (Stream of Consciousness)

It stains the skin eternally like a love lost that will never return. For if it were to return it would destroy the beautiful pink roses and leave in its wake a wide void of destruction. The tears will roll like the seas and the currents will electrify the skies. The day will come when all the pain fades away… until then the bullet wounds of emotional destruction remain gaping holes for the world to view like they are giant museum pieces waiting for your applause and approval.

As we all sit in the waiting room with the constant buzzing sound and clashing of piano keys in no order or sense, we delve deeper into our meaningless lives and sink, sink, sink in the voids of our depression and mechanical life doings. Singing along to the songs of society that we have been indoctrinated into believing hold the truth, the way, the light, the life, the truth.

Trickling down the side of the statue is a new kind of blue blood which is poisonous but majestic as it runs down into the drain and filters through your tap and creates absurd assumptions and preconceptions in your mind. But you will continue to drink because it tastes so good and if not why not. “THIS IS MY LIFE!” you scream from the rooftops of your own creation and expect people to understand and say OKAY while they sit back and watch you kill yourself slowly, willingly.

you’re next

I sit here
waiting
sipping my
poison that
makes me brave
that makes
the truth escape
through barriers
I’ve built up

I transform into
a creature of
lustful longing
and I begin my
search for my
new victim

I seek and
walk my catwalk
zigzag along
the walls of
the pounding
beat

I see
I lock my
eyes on
I take a
shot of
clear liquid
and stumble
up to you

oh yes
YOU’RE MY NEXT

Crimson Regret

Understanding that to love
was to give of myself:
uncensored; pure;
and naked.

Knowing I would willingly let
you into chambers which
were always empty;
empty for a reason…
Haunted by nothingness
but constantly waiting for something-ness.

Knowledge is power –
and power can destroy!
I destroyed myself
in letting you walk
the corridors of my emotions!
I let you in
and you walked
and walked…
I forced you to walk!:
I pushed you!

Oblivious shades you worse:
my fault; not yours.
I knew the toxicity
of your love
yet I wanted to feel it!
I wanted to hurt!
I wanted to burn!
I wanted to cry!
I wanted to die.

Now I sit;
I cry:
crimson regret.