feelings

Butterflies

Sweet creation
flittering above the river &
between the overgrowth,
floating, naïve to these contemplations.
Explosions of noise on those fragile wings;
the air tastes of dark blue misery.
Yet you’re so peaceful
in the Garden of Eden
before the Fall of Man…
Before Man became man.
Come here, sweet beauty!
Stay a while.

No, don’t try escape my clasp!
Here, let me
tear
those wings off!
Let me tear up.
Death begets Life;
Life begets Death.

Fly now, sweet thing, fly now!

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Today & Tomorrow

For O.H.

Glasses smashing against this tall wall:
sharp shrapnel pieces
pierce the air, make bleed.
Screams echo forever in this dark hall,
even the pale moonlight refuses to shine through
and trees outside collapse without cause.
Burning cheeks from assaulting eyes;
stabbing knives twisting inside.
No sleep, only interrupted silence.

Silence interrupted no longer.
Waves lap gently caressing fine sands;
crystal water cooling and calm.
Sunlight swirling and dancing delightfully
onto glistening droplets of water on skin –
tanned and silky from loving hands.
Noah’s white dove, olive leaf in beak, glides
all around and everything is at peace:
an upward curve on your face, a delightful crease.

Do I love you?

Well?
The answer?
The answer:

Sitting on a creaky wooden bench
beside a small lake
motionless
eyes fixed in a trance
a tear
one
then another

A ceiling midnight blue
a bed beneath
spotlit by the silver moon
crinkled sheets
silent tremors
then sleep

Red rose water droplets
fragranced
thorns lots of thorns
green thorns
on this red rose
dropped

trampled
pushed aside

Love?
Yes
I know it
I know it well.

He’s Yours

I never stood a chance:
I already counted myself

out.

I don’t belong here,
take him away with you
on a cloud of happy hedonism.
And I’ll watch on my back
as the cloud changes form
to the demons I see inside me.

I’m used to this feeling
of knives stabbing inside,
and I have fertile furrows
down my cheeks.
He’s yours after all,
I could never fit in the picture,
the camera was built for two –

and I’m a third.

I give in, I give up.
I bow out:
applaud and approve.

magnet

a magnet destined be
attraction to rusted metal
broken parts withering
in the emergency lanes of highways
back and forth back and forth
mutated and malignant
spreading spreading spreading
tear drops watering seedless ground
no seedlings of hope grow
oil spills of the mind
thoughts have no traction
spin out of control
crash
red yellow green
flashing just flashing
mixed diluted wasted rancid

scrap yard hope
damaged goods are goods still
a lone eye spots potential in destruction
rust has a colour to see
and that single eye is me

“Hope deferred maketh the something sick”

When it’s so close you can feel it –
but you can’t actually feel.
When it’s almost real it seems impossible –
but really it is.
When it feels so right and real –
but it can’t be real from one side.
When you see every sign that shows it will happen –
but those signs aren’t for you.
When you think it’s your time –
but it’s your time to be denied.

When?
But?

Only time will tell but
slowly
it will wither you away
and hope will
gnaw
gnaw
gnaw

Misunderstood

Walk out; walk in,
into my restless life:
a lie
a waiting
a lie…
Waiting for you; lying about me.
Let you in;
let me out.
I want to shout!
Hold me close;
hold me far.
I might not die tonight.
Be with me –
complete me.

It’s cold out here
where love don’t shine.
Give me a reason,
stay for a while.
Give me your shirt –
let me inhale your fumes.

It feels so right!
This can’t be wrong.

So what?

So what if I trip and
fall face first into failure?
So what if they laugh as I struggle?
So what if I make mistakes
and do stupid things?
So what if I live on the edge?
So what if you judge me?
So what if I damage myself?
So what if I don’t have your support?
So what if you all leave my side?
So what if I lose it all?
So what if I end up with no one?
So what if I’m the failure everyone least expected?
So what if I fall
from the throne I’ve placed my reputation on?
So what if I let go?
So what if I go wild like they said?
So what if I stuff it all up?

So what?