Author: Richard van Rensburg

Ambitious Writer | Masters Psychology Student | Passionate Literary Lover

Hounds of Liberalism

Dismember the thoughts
of the corrupt mind!
Unleash the hounds of liberalism!
Let the truth be told along with
the faithful
lie…

Die living just as free as thought:
swimming against the stream of rules
and the labelling of the Machines.

Break the illusion,
shatter all senses;
Knock on the door,
break down all fences.

Black Gloves

Silence.

It always starts with the silence.

My mind lives for the silence, my demons survive off it. Only when my surroundings are quieter than my mind, does the evil emerge. It is in the silences that my mind is given the chance to wander; the chance to devour my courage and chew on my consciousness. It is in the silences that my deepest and darkest fears emerge to the surface – like diseased slime.

It’s in these silences that I am truly myself; because only the darkness can see me, and darkness is blind. The masks I wear sink and the pretenses that I bear dissipate. It leaves me feeling exposed, naked. My only companions are the demons I have suppressed during the noise of life; but in the silence I cannot control them. They run ominously and recklessly through the hollow corridors of my consciousness. They scream and shout. Their haunted and twisted rants echo through my entire being, shaking my existence from the core.

In these moments I am paralysed as if I’m a bare seed in the black gloved hands of an omnipotent phantasm of my own creation; a beast so powerful, so dark it dare not show itself to others. Not because it is fearful, but because my darkness is most harmful to me, not others.

The only way to beat the blackness is to succumb to it; to let it take over every inch of my being. That’s the only way I can still convince myself I am in control, because I have the choice to give in. And through the darkness can I only find peace… Without the darkness there wouldn’t be hope and without hope there wouldn’t be goodness.

How then can I be blamed for my sins? It is the darkness. The black gloves of power make me do it. I have no choice.

Neither do you.

Riding on Hope

I’ve been here for about ten days now. It was never part of my plan… to get thrown in jail, I mean. It was never part of the plan! My whole life I believed that I was destined for greater things! My mother always told me I was a star… That I was going to make her really proud… That I was going to be her beacon of hope!

She had a tough life, you know. Her father shot her mother when she was only eight years old. Eight! She ran away from home when she was fifteen. She lived on the streets for five years. Then she met my father and fell pregnant with me. I was her hope. I was her dream…

I was always a good kid growing up. I never did anything wrong. I always did as I was told. I obeyed rules like they were meant to be obeyed! I got bullied at school for being too much of an obedient child. Tall poppy syndrome. They punched me. They kicked me. They swore me. But I always got up and felt sympathy for them… I never did anything about it. I guess it made me stronger…

Damn, man! I didn’t even do it! I DIDN’T DO IT! It wasn’t me! They think I killed my mother! THEY THINK I’M THE ONE WHO SHOT HER! It wasn’t me… I’ve told them that! I’ve been here for ten days and they haven’t listened to my side of the story!

I’m riding on the wings of hope… I’m hoping they’ll listen to me… and believe me. I’m just hoping. That’s all I can do in this cell… hope… But at night, when there are no lights on, only the feint moon shining softly through my small window… that’s when it’s worst… that’s when you hear grown men weep to themselves. That’s when you hear the walls whispering their tales… Their taunts…

This place is notorious, you know… No one ever makes it out of here… Hope has no place here. Neither does justice. Only suffering and death.

The Exit

Jarred Fameux was seated at his mahogany desk. Every novel and every play he had conceived was written at this desk, by his own two hands as well. He never opted for the digital route to start off his works. Every draft he had created was first hand-written, then, only once he was contented with the draft, was it typed.

He started nibbling on the tip of his plastic pen. It was an indication of arcane, contemplative thought. He had just completed writing the first chapter of his autobiography. In doing so, he realised how arduous it actually is to accurately capture the events of one’s life. He had dedicated his entire life to writing novels and plays. He had lived his dream; he had done what he had felt was his destiny.

He stopped chewing on the pen as his mind began to search the histories of his life. He thought back to his grade eight classroom. That is when it all began. That is when he wrote his first essay. The feeling that creating a story gave him was something he had never felt before. It manifested itself from deep within and it inflamed the candle of passion inside of him.

He shifted on his chair and smiled reminiscently. He placed his pen neatly on the desk, stood up and went to his study window. As he opened it a cool breeze found its way inside. He sat back down, picked up his pen and began tapping it against the blank page. The page reminded him of his life before writing – bare.

By the time he had left university he had four plays and two novels published. His works were applauded for capturing such true emotional states. The grief, pain and bereavement he had experienced in life were not lost. He used them in his writing to create more unadulterated narratives.

A tinge of guilt washed over him. He realised he had received numerous standing ovations for the play about his father’s death. This was one such example of many. Maybe writing was his way of dealing with the grief, but one day he would have to face the reality he had twisted into fiction. The day had come.

He suddenly stopped tapping the pen. His head dropped slowly. He watched a microcosmic teardrop make contact with the blank page. The paper absorbed it quite willingly. It was absurd. His only companions were the dusty books lining his bookshelves and conceited newspaper reviews of his works written by pretentious critics.

This was his epiphany: he had always risked something greater while writing and perchance this is what made him so passionate and unique. While he was busy creating credible characters, he had turned himself into a character. The man he was writing about was not himself – it was a character. His characters had lived to their fullest; he had not. He had lived his dreams through his characters, like parents live their broken dreams through their children. He was now an aged man.

He picked up the pen hastily. He wrote down his favourite line by his favourite playwright. He closed the soft-cover book gently. He stood up lugubriously. He walked out of his study and down the corridor. Thirteen minutes later there was a slight breeze which blew the book open. The ink was still fresh. In black, bold ink were the words:

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.

He would have chuckled to himself had he seen the wind had blown the book open on that page. He would have, but at that precise moment a thud of a chair hitting the ground reverberated through the hollow corridors of the house. Another breeze, slightly stronger this time, crept through the house. Its momentum was broken by the body hanging lifelessly in the kitchen above an overturned chair.

This was his exit. Not with a bang, but with a lifeless thud of a chair.

A Stream of Consciousness

Allow me to stab shards of hate down your sides to split your attitude right into death leading glory of wining the lustful hunt of money that you’ll never really know what it means to those suffering by night. Pour forth the wine of salvation called love. Sympathy measured out in equal amounts to control a crazy man whose life was lost in a hunt gathering as many paparazzi pictures as possible. You sir win the Academy Oscar for most dubious character falling for society’s ultimate tick and betrayal – JUDAS effect we all see lies now in your hungry throat which screams silently for some purpose. Maybe you didn’t have to chase something that didn’t exist to be successful. By chasing what you thought existed had brought unhappiness and bitter taste when you cold have followed what you knew was right there and whet you loved but instead you chased a dream made of lies lined in plastic.

The day will come

The day will come.
It will arrive at a time clocks speak not
and it will sparkle like a purple haze
so that everyone knows the day has come.

The day will come.
You will feel it when it is here
and you need to shield yourself
from the shrapnelled hate.

The day will come.
Everything you have known
will turn on you.
That is how you will know it is here.

The day will come.
Friends will be few
like little bold dots,
and so too will determination.

The day will come.
Black clouds with
Silver flashes will envelop all you know,
And lick your grey rainbowed psyche.

The day will come.
But when that day comes…
Remember to be strong and
fight through the flashes.

The day will come.
But bravery will fight alongside –
in weird ways something new will be born,
so do not fear even if you do fear.

The day has come.
But:
there is a bright day hereafter!

“No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.” ~ William Blake

You never cared and you never will care. What possessed me to think you cared, God only knows. Every time I turn my back I can feel your daggered stare slicing swiftly through my soul. Not that you even care about what you’re doing. It makes you happy, it puts a smile on your rugged face and it adds a silver glint to your coffee brown eyes. You practically printed my death certificate with the ink of your jealously. A slow, yet sleek murder from a safe distance behind your cowardice. A death not by a bullet, but much more painful. A slow death that emanates from your char black soul. Every single syllable that passes through my lips are swiftly absorbed by you and mixed with your venom then spat back in my face. You gain satisfaction from it.

Remember when we first met? You were really nice to me. I built a fort of trust and friendship in you… Then one day I realised you were only my friend because I helped you get to where you wanted to be. And you’re there now. So how does it feel to soar on the back of this winged creature? Is it fun? Does the wing run through your arrogantly oiled hair?

Now that you’ve finally reached your peak at the top of the hill I just want to warn you that this winged-creature… It’s angry… It’s hurt… It’s disappointed. And it has just decided that it doesn’t like this new being that sits on this peak because it was used all along while it thought it was only doing good for those around it. It wants justice. And if you look around – what you thought to be the apex of success is in fact the entrance to a fiery failure. The flames can’t wait to lick the flesh off your bones.